Living in Duality.

There’s not a lot that’s change since my last blog post, at least in my little world. Beyond that, everything’s different. Our world as we know it, as we will inherit it, has changed and will probably change multiple more times once this pandemic is over.

My life hasn’t been drastically altered by COVID-19 but the way I view has changed. In the last few months, I’ve lost two casual jobs, gained one full time one, made new friends and all while living in a world that echos the last 21 years of my life. But it’s a ghost town of what life was. Everywhere I look I can see memories where I could touch people and explore with my friends and partner. I can see us walking in groups near the lake in the Summer, walking hand in hand to the movies on frosty nights, and tripping our glittering heels on a night out, sweat on our skin and a smile on our lips.

Now I walk into work and greet my new friends with a smile, not a hug. I have a social drink with the girls over Zoom, wrapped in blankets, staring a screen that shows faces I know as well as my own. I walk with work friends, a safe distance away, still tripping my heels and still laughing.

I know I’m lucky for having a job and for being able to have social interaction at my workplace and I am incredibly grateful. I don’t know where I would be emotionally if I wasn’t so lucky, but I miss the past. I miss adventures, I miss hugging the people who make my life better.

Life is dual, a mix of good and bad, bitter and sweet. The other edge to my sword is I love the quite streets, the clear sky’s and the calmness that lies over my city, rolling in over the mountains. I hope it’s the quite calmness of safety, of being with family, of feeling lucky we live in an amazing city, not the calmness of insanity created from isolation blooming.

Change is coming again, hopefully. The media is crying out that bans will begin to lift in Australia, that life will go back to normal. I can’t help but wonder, will it?

Will it be good? Will it alter our lives completely, again or just bring something different?

One month and everything is different. One month and everything is the same. Living in this duality is almost freeing. Almost. It’s hard to forget about the sadness that floats around us, the loss of life, the feelings of loneliness that is worldwide. That shouldn’t be ignored or pushed aside.

When we look back on history, at this moment, the good and the bad will be remembered. The laughter and the tears. We will remember the simple acts, the smiles of family members, donations to small businesses to keep them afloat. We will remember the chaos, the confusing and the sadness.  That’s life. I hope this will end and we can begin to heal from the trauma its caused. I hope there’s been some light in the dark for some, like there has been for me. I hope life remains dual and the bad doesn’t take over with shadowed claws and the mountains remain calm.

What do you hope for?

Love, Erin Xx

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